I’m Lost right now

It’s gone, it’s been gone since February 25, 2018. My lost for words, my free spirit, my joy it’s all gone. I have tried to write this blog several times but tears stopped me and I couldn’t finish it.  I just checked and I have six unfinished blogs on this subject.

I can’t formulate the right words to describe this experience. I feel like I’ve aged 10 years in such a short time. My eyes are swollen from crying.  I am drained emotionally, physically, and any other…….ally.  I’m still in shock and disbelief, my brother passed away at the age of 50 years old.  So many questions are unanswered.  Would he have survived if I made him go to the hospital? Did he know how much I loved him? Did he go peacefully?  I’m hurting so much but I have to get this blog done maybe it will be a part of my healing process.  I’m tired of tears of randomness.  (I don’t know if this is spelled right but it didn’t tag it as misspelled) I’m going to hit the publish button because if I don’t I don’t know how long it will be before I do this again.  Maybe my next one will be about my great memories with him but I just can’t do it now.  Thanks for letting me ramble on….. signed the Stephanie of the Stephanie and Stephen (Steven).



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Hello it's me. I am who I am, whoever that is? I'm on this journey of life and trying to enjoy it one day at a time. I hope you enjoy my blogs because I will enjoy them by myself if you don't! I love to laugh and love to share laughter.

7 thoughts on “I’m Lost right now

  1. Yes, your brother knew how much you loved him. We all knew how much you loved each other. We all remember the two of you with the “Bro & Sister” names since you guys were little. No, there is nothing you could have done to change fate, timing,…, it is all beyond our control & many times understanding. We will understand it all by & by. Love you & here for you as all of your family & friends. You make us feel good, laugh, rethink things over,…, let us help you. Just tell us when, where, how,… & you will have a line of people there to make it happen. I am praying with you daily & trusting in our Lord & Saviour to get you thru this moment in your life. Love you!!! My cousin & friend.


    1. Time,,,heals all things – even broken hearts. Yes he knew you loved him! Feelings, memories & emotions of Fifty years together don’t just stop, nor should they. Your feelings are still raw. Let the tears roll those are tears of love. Now I have them rolling down,,, love ya girlfriend


  2. Wow, I forget how much he looked like our grandfather. We will all see each other soon. In the meantime, I’ve been laughing & reminiscing about all the childhood times in Mississippi. 🤗😱😬😅🤠😰. Of course somethings we will never tell. Love you!!!


  3. Much love to you Stephanie! I have the same numb feeling after the lost of so many loved ones in such a short period of time.

    I’m absolutely sure your brother knew how much you loved him. I pray my brother knew my love for him. May they both rest in heaven together❤️


  4. Steph, Hugs & Love being sent to you today & always! 😘 Randomness acts are expected & acceptable, hell I still bust out in tears driving down the street if something (thought or an old person) brings back a memory of my Mom or Dad (they died 3 months if each other & left me “alone” going on 18 years). However long you need – take it,, need to talk to a therapist call Mr. Bates


    1. See I hit send & I wasn’t done Mr. Bates 424-2400 he’s awesome I STILL visit him when things seem overwhelming & I need a nonjudgmental person to talk to. 🙏🏻💖🌹😔


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